The 3 types of colleagues you wish weren’t at your Christmas party

Published on: 23 December 2016 Last updated: 28 November 2018 Reading Time: 3 minutes

Three weirdos walk into a Christmas party… Do things go terribly wrong? Duh!

It’s that time of the year again! Time to photocopy your buttocks in the office copy machine, have your tipsy spouse tell your boss about every time you came home angry and called your co-workers deplorable, and drink cheap champagne out of water-cooler cups. Just picture the lights and decorations around the corners of the white board.
In other words, it’s the season of embarrassing yourself at the office Christmas party to the point where you nearly quit your job and move country.
It doesn’t have to be that way, of course. You could be working for a company like Google, which threw an Olympics themed bash for its employees over Christmas back in 2007. But back to reality now. You are still stuck in a dead-end job, in which the high-point of your day is that cat meme your mom sent you. Thus, your office Christmas party is very likely to look a little like this:

Enhancv The 3 types of colleagues you wish weren’t at your Christmas party

1. The guy to give you a really intense talk about the meaning of life

Uh-oh. Before Mr. Ugly Christmas Sweater butted in, you were in a crowd full of people. Suddenly everyone headed to the buffet and now you are stuck. Unless you can fake a cardiac arrest plausibly enough, prepare yourself for tips and tricks on best sex positions, when to have your first prostate exam, why you should keep your pension savings in Bitcoin… “What do you mean you don’t brisk walk?”… Aren’t you in for a treat?

Enhancv The 3 types of colleagues you wish weren’t at your Christmas party

2. The one who thinks they are a DJ

You know who we’re talking about. It’s your colleague that dresses like the secret love child of Rihanna and Drake. Their Facebook profile pic includes a baseball cap, oversized hoodie, torn jeans, possibly a skateboard. They swear 2Pac is still alive and that Biggie is wiser than Socrates. Lucky you – getting the DJ services of this musical mastermind for free. All-night-long. Brace yourself for some laptop music played via Youtube, a lot of pretend vinyl-scratching and headphone grabbing.

Enhancv The 3 types of colleagues you wish weren’t at your Christmas party

3. The fifty-year-old manager trying to be one of the cool kids

Have you ever tried explaining what Tinder is to someone who doesn’t quite understand what Skype is about? What better opportunity to test your skills! Expect this to be followed by a twerking tutorial and other “young people things”. Apart from being stuck in a very uncomfortable conversational vacuum, you begin to feel like the victim of a blood-sucking vampire. Only, in this scenario, it’s your youth being hungrily consumed by someone post-mid-life crisis. Your manager probably has a collection of 9gag memes on how to speak to “the youth”, which he studies with academic vigor. Stay calm, this too shall pass.

So why go through all the conundrum? Land the job you want. But in order to do that you need a good resume. You need to be putting your best foot forward, shiny shoes and all. If only there was a service that could help you do just that – show your strengths and talents on paper. If only there was a website out there, which guides you seamlessly through the process of telling your career story in an intuitive way…

Fortunately, there is a company ready to help you personalize your resume and amplify your awesome character traits. The first step towards finding colleagues you actually want to party with is Enhancv. You know what to do.

Valentina Milanova

An overachiever by day, sleepwalker by night. I like to take the best of both… scratch that… all worlds. Sights permanently set in the future. Creative writing keeps me sane.

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